The Brightest lot and what they’ll be doing this summer.

Lucas Neill: He is the undisputed numero-uno and represents everything demented about the Premier League. Playing for Blackburn Rovers, Decent run-of-form, big-club-interest, even a complete bummer of an interview with ESPN on what’s big in his iPod!

Post Christmas, the exalted one signs for the team down under (how fuckin’ ironic) and is now sure to get to the bottom of everything!

What’s up in this summer, Luke?

“Mate, there’s just simply too much Foster’s happening these days. Too much Benson’s too …Roy Carroll is such a bastard. We just keep drinking all night out mate. He is a solid buddy now and we keep drinking all night mate. And Carlos Tevez, I can help keep looking at his neck even when he strikes for goal and think about things that are common between him and Ribery. Its an Aussie thing…”

Summerrrr???

Champions League Championship football and buying groceries for Eggert’s Missus!

Matthew Upson: This bloke is a genius. Who wouldn’t want to quit on a Championship side like Birmingham and come over to a Prestigious Premiership side in WestHam? Right! If only it was that simple. Upsy Daisy turns back on a championship side due for promotion and walks into a premiership side all set for relegation! Absolute nutter!

What’s up in this summer, Upsy?

“Piss off!”

Willy Gallas: Oh, What a rebel! Chelsea treated him with all the respect, fans loved him, his form, fitness and partnership with Terry was perfect. But one day, Willy tried acting all Silly and threatened the club with scoring own goals if they don’t release him. When fans and management pleaded, he reasoned that he needed to play fancy football. How typical of a rugged French Center-back!

So in came Cashley and out went Silly Billy across the town. While his former club continues to play football in a way they know, Silly Billy’s team plays the fancy football the only thing, Silly Billy doesn’t get to play. ROFLOL!

What’s up in this summer, Billy?

I thigh muscle tear and bad medical department at Arsenal, so I have calf muscle problem and knee operation.

 

Andriy Shevchenko: Arguably the Best striker in Serie-A, a cult following in Milan but a friend in need is a friend in deed, If you offer 30 Million quid that is…

Great expectations from the Chelsea fans, put under the microscope by the press, accused of being a snitch, a goal draught, an embarrassing goal spree against tier-2 sides and probably the greatest miss of the season!

A 30 Million worth… powder!

What’s up in this summer, Andriy?

If Jose stays, me go to Milan, if Jose goes, ummm….uhhhhhhh.

“Sheva, its said and done. Jose’s staying…”

I think Jose is a top man. I’ve played with several managers and every one of them…yada, yada…yada!

 

The Chinese army: There was a gem from Paul Jewell some time back about buying a Chinese player called Win One Soon. I can understand how great the Chinese Sport federation is feeling about the increase in the number of Chinese footballers in England at the moment. Sorry for bursting your bubble lads. If you are thinking about all of them or more playing in the promised land next season, its time to stop the crack for a while. The reasons may not be really simple but most of them were bought anyway during a player crisis and when it’s due to be solved come new season they’ll either be jettisoned back home or loaned to championship sides or worst case, left to rot in the reserves for the rest of their contract.

I know what you’re thinking. Just wait till this dude comes along….

Laters!

P.S: He won both the awards. Hmph!

Leftwingers Player of the Year – Nominees

The PFA is a joke. By omitting Michael Essien from the list and having Steven Gerrard in the Top 5, they have brought out an absolutely scandalous nomination list. Everything else is okay with those muptards in the PFA. Thankfully, they’ve missed out Joey Barton.

and the nominees are…

C.Ronaldo: You have ta’ give it to him. He has played brilliantly this season but that doesn’t get him anywhere closer to the Award. It’s the way he has flipped on to the good side that makes me stand up. He has cut down on diving, moaning and whining from a whopping infinite number of times in the past seasons to a miniscule one-time-a-match this season. Face it; it’s very unlike the real C.Ronaldo though!

Chris Waddle writes in a column for BBC, on how the way Man-Utd play inspires little kids who take up to football to wear his jersey and dribble across the field and taking on opponents.

Yeah! Sure Chris. I can see them wearing a #7 Jersey, two diamond studs on the ear, anti-gravity fritz neck hair, tearing down defenses with speed and skill and then before they shoot, they arch their back, their mouths gaping wide, screaming like they’ve been shot on the back and fall to the ground all by themselves. And then getting up, running to the ref, whining, “No Sir, It wasn’t me! It was that tw*t Rooney Sir, I swear referee Sir”

And a customary wink after all that! Ah, the future is bright! PFA award is on your way, Ronaldo!

I just hope we see the last of Martin-bloody-Tyler who goes “Ah, here’s Ronaldo! There is a buzz everytime he gets the ball because it reminds the people of the great George Best himself!

Yeah Martin, He does! Now go and wank in front of a mirror!

 

Didier Drogba: How he is so endeared to the blues is a mystery. Mind you, he is that ugly! If you watched him anytime last season or before, you could have easily mistaken him for being a talentless git! He misses 10 golden chances and scores from one difficult chance! This season, he has been supreme! His Ariel prowess is unparalleled in the league. His finishing has improved manifold. Although he remains a distant second to Jens Lehmann in whining, moaning and offering a second opinion to the referee, he is miles ahead of any striker in this league this season!

30+ goals is no mean joke! Good he doesn’t play in France. 30 goals in Ligue1 and you get a banana thrown from the crowd!

The only reason he might get pipp’d by Ronaldo for the award is that “The Drog” has gone down every match feigning? injury, moans and goes off the field and comes back hopping in after a minute. He has done it every match this season!

Either he is impervious to injury, got an automatic healer mechanism like Wolverine or thinks we are all wankers falling for his contribution to the Chelsea drama! I think the latter!

——-

There are simply no more in the same postcode as these players! They have simply been playing…well, differently from the others!

 

Honorable mentions:

Michael Essien:

The only reason he is not in the league above is he has had lesser matches where he has actually influenced the games. It’s the bleeding obvious that you cannot score that many goals being at the back. Credit to this man, he has played Right Back (resembling a Cafu of yore) and center back (awry positional sense but great tackling ability) roles to near perfection! It’s like asking too much of a man to do so many different things in a single match but he insists like a kid too keen to impress “I have too much energy left at the end of the match”. Nicknamed “The Train”, he has cut down well on some nasty tackles this season and has become one heck of a player! Absolute force of nature, this bloke!

 

 

Mikel Arteta:

An absolute artist in his own right. You can watch Everton play only for this man. Every other player is either a prick or freaky looking (JoLeon Lescott, Phil Neville). The way this man keeps a low profile even playing such sublime football is baffling. He simply needs a promoter! Easily, the most talented center-mid in the league!

Of-course Stevie G just needs to have an average season to be voted in the top5. cock- s*ckers!

 

Nemanja Vidic:

I didn’t have even a slightest clue how good this bloke was when he first signed along. I had a feeling United are going the Liverpool way of signing unknown and average players. Boy, he’s got some guile. Great heading ability and a very able defender alongside Rio. Too bad he won’t be there for the humdingers against Chelsea.

 

Paul Scholes: When everyone cusses and disses how Fat Frank and Stevie Averagerrard can’t play together, if only they took Ginger in their side. He is miles better than both of them put together in passing and orchestrating the game but he is always there to take a fantastic lunge like a lunatic on an opponent and take home a red! Hmmm….that explains why they don’t pick him. He has had a great season and scored some beautiful goals.

 

Dimitar Berbatov:

The 11 million they paid for him is a good bargain. He is by far the most technically adept striker in the league. The problem is he starts missing from games after brief cameos. He looks like a girl, wears a girl’s band on his hair and gives a girly expression if things don’t go his way. If he plays for Tottenham Ladies’ he’d be the best.

 

Dani Agger: He is one of the best talents to have come from Denmark, one of the few defenders to have played consistently well all through out the season. Why so less about him? Plays for Liverpool!

 

Cesc Fabregas: Kept Arsenal away from relegation trouble this season! Too matured for his age but that little million dollar question to Sparky Hughes after they shut shop for a 0-0 draw “Did you really play for Barcelona?” makes him look like a stupid go0ner!

Matthew Taylor:

 

Pompey must worship this guy! Absolute cracker of a left foot and some of the goals he has scored this season makes me wonder if he is one a personal crusade to get the goal of the season.

————

 

 

There are a lot many talented gits who cannot be listed here cuz time is at a premium. So here goes a name call.

Ricardo Carvalho (Chelsea), Stephen Hunt (reading), Ryan Giggs, Phil Jagielka (Blades),

Jamie Carragher (pool), Nic. Anelka (Bolton), Darren Ambrose (Charlton), Obafemi Martins.

You know who is winning it anyway.

Laters.